Dr. K called half an hour ago, and we had a good chat. She understood how I got the impression this morning that this thing was a wash. (How about, because the NP said as much when I asked her to comment?) Even if she didn't understand, she said she did, and that helped.
First of all, she still feels that the cyst is a non-concern. They will aspirate it at retrieval but wouldn't want to go in before then. I asked about its possible effects on egg quality and whether it would inhibit further follicle growth. She said there is no definitive evidence that quality is adversely affected or that follicle counts would be better without the cyst. But that, yes, if it doesn't work out, you can wonder. (See, I'm still not getting why the "nothing definitive" thing doesn't make you wonder right up front.)
Turns out I still have 8 follicles. I did not lose 4 from last week. (The NP could have easily corrected this impression during any number of the times that I voiced it.) But 4 have definitely grown ahead of the others and are measuring at 10–11 mm. In fact, contrary to my impression that only 1 of the 4 looked worth anything — an impression which to my mind was confirmed when I said, "So just 1 out of the 4 even looks viable—that sounds bad" and then the NP said, "Yes, the others just aren't where we'd like to see them" — the REs say all 4 of the bigger ones look healthy and right on track.
Was the NP talking about them not looking good if we were pretending this was retrieval day and not Day 5? I don't know. But she went all the way along with my comments about canceling. She encouraged them, spoke comforting words about a future cycle on a different protocol, offered to cancel appointments so I didn't have to, and agreed with my assessment that today's planned acupuncture treatment would be a waste of my energy.
!@^%&^%&$$!!!! Pardon my digression into testiness, please.
Dr. K confirmed that whether the other 4 will grow can go either way — and that it is too soon to tell. She also said that 4 nice healthy ones is about the best she thinks I can hope for. Not that it's not possible that I could get more during a different cycle. But there's no way to know, and why take that chance when we are here now with stims doing their thing and me with 4 tangible egg vessels.
So I will continue the meds (just finished shooting up, actually), get monitored Thursday and Friday both, and we will decide what to do then. She said, "Now is still the time to be hopeful. We can deal with deciding to cancel if we need to." I appreciate that. It happens to be the way I felt before today. I'm not sure yet whether I'll be able to get that feeling back. But I do want to ride things out to the end of the week.
DH's take on the notion of going ahead even if 4 follicles is the best we can do: "It's not like they're going to find pudding in there. Or rocks."
So one hopes, my sweet.