Thursday, November 26, 2009

Looks can be deceiving

I've spent a good amount of kitchen time today letting my mind wander . . . and search . . . as I try to remember, "What the heck was I feeling last year on Thanksgiving?"

I clearly remember both Halloween (transfer day for IVF #3) and Christmas (not long after my D&C). But Thanksgiving? Not so much.

I know I was thankful to be pregnant. So, so thankful. And, as evidenced here, pretty thankful to still be married. Skimming old blog entries helped me zero in on Thanksgiving Day 2008 and recall a few details:

We were alone for it, just like this year; an exhausted DH had flown back from a business trip the night before, just like this year; I started the turkey later than planned and forgot to thaw the dinner rolls, just like this year; and, despite worries about early pregnancy biz that was testing "normal" but didn't feel that way to me, I was filled with hope that we would, finally, add a child to our family before the next holiday season rolled around. Just like every prior Thanksgiving since 2003. But absolutely nothing like this year.

Funny that I spent most of today thinking I needed to put my finger on what I felt then, when what I really needed was to put my finger on what I feel now.

This probably doesn't look like a musing on thankfulness.