Monday, September 28, 2009

I worry about people

I saw an ad for an upcoming Dr. Phil show mentioning a 48-year-old woman's desperate desire to rush into marriage because her "biological clock is ticking." I don't know the person's real details, and I don't expect to watch the show. Still, I felt compelled to touch on a couple of general topics the show teaser raised. Call it a public service announcement for I-don't-know-who-might-stumble-on-it.

What I'm about to say is coming from a place of understanding, compassion, and concern for my fellow woman.

About the marriage thing:

Marrying out of desperation of any kind will not give you what you are seeking. Applying severe pressure may actually work to get some men to the altar (lord knows it has before). But don't count on a happy ending with this prince. In fact, remind yourself, PLEASE, that he is not a prince. You can take care of yourself. And you can find the kind of love that requires no begging, brow-beating, or berating (of yourself OR the other party). It just might not show up on a schedule. That sucks, I know, but this is one thing you don't want to force.

About the biological clock thing:

I know what that ticking sounds like. But I hope to god you understand (and that the show clearly mentions) that — at 48 — chances are SO slim that you will achieve pregnancy naturally. I'm going to go ahead and assume that you intend to pursue either DE-IVF or adoption and wish you all the luck and speed (you will need both) in the world. Cash and strength and more luck might help too.

And now, back to my regularly scheduled work time.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Posting for the heck of it

I'm up late. Actually, I was out late (for a school night, that is), so although this is not really all that late for me to be up, I am feeling wired . . . not ready for bed.

So what's up with me? I'm keeping busy with work. Worrying about my DH. Planning an early 2010 vacation. Working on eradicating my migraines with acupuncture, exercise, whatever might do the trick. Processing certain aspects of the family visit that happened last week.

Also . . . dreading, just a little, my fast-approaching annual gyno exam. I haven't seen that doctor since just before starting our third IVF in September 2008. I saw her for an 8-week pregnancy check-up in June before that but not again during the next pregnancy.

I'm expecting the topic of birth control to come up.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Not-so-deep thoughts

I still have my moments of dearly wishing I could bear a healthy baby that would turn into a child and then an adult that I'd live to see all grown up.* But. I don't believe that scenario is "in the cards," as they say. I know it's not, in fact.

Just so you know: This wistful wish is NOT on my mind at all times. I'm focused on other goals, on life at hand, and I definitely operate now according to our joint decision to cease and desist. I'm living for the present again and making all kinds of concrete, executable future plans based on our childless life.

I think — that as my newly imagined future continues to unfold — at some point I'll reach a stage of feeling fine that I never did have a child. That I might even think the whole situation is "okay."

What do you think? Don't we adjust our heartfelt perspectives to align with our rational, cold-hard-facts-based decisions?

*Please, no comments about how that could be accomplished.