Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A horse is a horse, of course, of course

And a line is a line — look at mine, look at mine!

This is from yesterday, aka 10dpo/7dp3dt:

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I've frankly never understood why many in the POAS Club invert their HPT images; seeing it always kinda makes me chuckle. If you can see the line one way, you can see it the other way. Right? (That's why I used an inverted image of a negative test for the blog. My thinking was "no line is no line.") But I am determined to milk this new frontier for all it's worth, for as long as I have the privilege. So here's my same damn test inverted:
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It is so, so, SO early. My beta test is still 4 days away, and I know anything can happen in the meantime. But right now I am pregnant. HPT lines darkened slightly today. For apples-to-apples's sake, I used both EPT and FRER each morning. I trust FRER the most — lines are pink and absolutely there but still too faint for a good photo. The pictures are from yesterday's late-afternoon Answer test, the most photogenic of the bunch.

I didn't post yesterday because I needed time to wrap my brain around things. Plus, I wanted to tell DH first! He's on the road, and I didn't get to talk to him until last night at 8:45. That was 15 hours after I'd hopped out of bed to just test already. I crawled back into bed at exactly 4:55, and I missed DH as I listened to a meditation CD and drifted back to sleep for a while. I dreamed that I was in a retail complex, looking for a drugstore so I could buy backup HPTs. No pants, no wallet. I ran back to the car because I remembered DH had wedged some cash into the console after paying for parking on transfer day. Would it be enough? Let's see, 2 ones (that won't help) and 1 $17 bill (yes!). And, oh good, I am wearing pants, they're just down around my ankles.

As I did my PIO shot later, with pj pants pulled down, I laughed at the dream and wondered what the deal was with the $17 bill. True, the 4-test FRER box I'd recently bought was $18.99, so the car-cash combo would have covered that (assuming no sales tax in Dreamland). But something about the number 17 was sticking with me. Then I remembered the work-related interview I'd given last week. It was a Q&A about how I got started in my business and when/how I made the leap to self-employment. I told the story of wanting to make the leap and waiting for the "right time." Of course I wanted to do so under sensible circumstances, which included having built up a body of solo work to point to.

One day, while doing my regular job, a potential freelance client called wanting to know how many of a particular type of project I'd done. "Quite a few, but let me put together a list and get back to you," I said. I was thinking 6 or 7. I hoped it would seem like enough to the client. Well, my final tally was 17. And I was stunned. When had I done all that? The answer was whenever I could, all the time, for several years. I remember that day because a switch flipped in my brain. I looked around my office, which I so deeply wanted to leave behind to pursue the type of work this client was offering, and I thought "Why am I still here? I'm already doing what I want. It's real. Time to admit it and act on it."

I liked that the dream helped change my initial reaction to an honest-to-goodness positive test: False positive. Faulty test. Tests done this early in the morning don't count. Figuring out that 17 connection made me refocus. There comes a point at which you have to believe what you see. If I see something else later, I'll believe that then. But a line is a line is a line is a line is a line. (One "line" for each test on my bathroom counter.)

Which reminds me — to Possibility, I must say, "Okay, then. Color me both surprised and corrected. PLEASE don't let me find out you've been messing with my head."

P.S. My FAVORITE part of yesterday was when I logged on to my email account and saw a note from DH with the subject line "Good morning, baby." He'd sent it at 4:51, my time — that's while I was watching the lines come up. So I felt like he'd been with me after all. His reaction to the news? A simply succinct "This is good."

4 comments:

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

I am so very happy for you! Such exciting news!!!

HeidiM said...

This is awesome awesome news, I am so happy to read this!!! CONGRATULATIONS!

BB and MTB said...

Congratulations!!!! Enjoy every moment of this!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is so wonderful. I knew it. You have to be POSITIVE and STAY POSITIVE.

Shelley