Remembering and rejoicing

Today is one of the May milestone dates I've been wanting to get through. One year ago today was transfer time for IVF #2, and let me tell you: That day was magical for me. Everything felt right. I was, truly, in the moment — in sync with DH, my body, the process, my medical team, and the world. I felt love for (and loved by) everybody I encountered. I remember what I wore, what I ate, who I talked to, and what I did all day long. And that magical feeling (aka profound gratitude) carried me through another several days. (You know, until it was time to get scared again!) During that time, I frequently eyed the picture of "the kids" and talked to all 4 of them in utero, sending my love and coaching any that felt strong enough to stick with mama.

Even knowing how it all turned out down the road . . . and knowing what came next, and then next, and then next . . . I wouldn't trade that day for anything. The experience opened me up in ways I can't quite describe but know will stay with me forever. And for that I rejoice.

*****

P.S. Today — this year's May 5 — brings a fresh reason to rejoice. Sweet Polly over at In2MeSee got to see her perfect-looking little bean's strong heartbeat for the first time. You GO, Polly!!

Even Wikipedia knows a doctor can't "implant" an embryo

I am still frustrated by the nature of the news coverage surrounding the octuplet mom. For example, DH and I turned away from CNN last night to get away from Anderson Cooper's incessant teasers about the "Angelina Jolie connection." Please. What a ridiculous tabloid-y ploy, trying to get people to stay tuned for nothing more than a "story" about how some people (on the street) are wondering (because a CNN producer asked them to) whether this person has set out to be like the beautiful celebrity with all the kids (who sells copy and gets viewers).

I have an idea for you, Media, and I really think you're going to like it:

Start calling her OctoMama, which rhymes with Obama (no disrespect to the president implied) . . . and let your imaginations take you to new heights of loosely-linked-to-nothing voyeuristic reportage. People will eat it up.

Meanwhile, I'm still hoping for the story about someone advocating for the mom to get the real help she needs so those children can have the best lives possible. Why is everyone so angry with her? Yes, I got judge-y myself. But you can't stay in that place for long when you see that she clearly lacks the judgment necessary for real-world decision making. It makes me sick that nobody seems to be stepping in to help in a meaningful way.

Embies on board!

That should be on a bumper sticker. Or better yet, a static-cling window decal so you can quickly and discreetly adjust your status.

Here they are, my 8-celled beauties. They were compacting on themselves as the embryologist snapped their portrait. (So cute how they wanted to keep dividing.)




All 3 are strapped in for the 2ww ride, and I'm officially PUPO.

Quickie update: Transfer tomorrow

We're set for transfer tomorrow at 10 am Pacific.

As of this afternoon, all 3 embies are still growing. I have no info beyond that WHATSOEVER, and I did my level best to get it!

From the nurse's wording ("We've determined which embryos are best for transfer"), it certainly sounded to me like 2 out of the 3 are looking better and may be the only ones available to put back. But when I asked for a number, she wouldn't say, and when I quoted her words back to her to support my reasoning that we'll have fewer than 3, she wouldn't repeat what she'd said or confirm my suspicions. She simply said all 3 were still growing. No doubt she just LOVES trying to communicate with us end-of-cycle/end-of-rope IVF chicks.

I mentioned that I'd gotten much more information during our last cycle (allowing for the possibility that it was different because my RE was the one calling me then), and she said, "Yeah, we've really backed away from that approach. We want you to hear it straight from the embryologist."

So we won't know anything until we check out the photos and sign the final report 15 minutes before the procedure.

I am a bit of a wreck today. Things aren't TOO bad. No crying or shouting or screaming. Just moments of feeling super low and others of feeling startlingly scattered. DH has done his best to logicalize me out of the down moments, and that does work on me.

I'll spend the rest of the day watching movies, cooking/eating a big pot of chili, harassing the dog for snuggles, and spending some time with my meditation CDs. Maybe I'll hit up DH for a back massage, too.

This is kinda fun: When I logged on just now, I noticed yesterday's post that I titled "3, 3, 3" (for 3 mature eggs, 3 embies, 3-day transfer) was posted at 3:33. I did not know that!

My 4 embies

We were shocked to learn that we still had 6 embryos chugging along yesterday. We chose to put back 4. The other 2 were of lesser quality but not bad. We'll find out tomorrow whether they make it to the blastocyst stage and can be frozen for a future cycle.

I'll have to do a later post about both the ER and transfer experiences, but I'm not up for that today. (They were good.) Although I'm supposed to be on bedrest, I've just spent the morning dealing with "emergency" work issues. The non-emergent kind that come up only when some people remember you've taken a couple days off. The work wasn't physically taxing, just annoying. I need to get back to my feet-up/nothing-else-on-my-mind state for the rest of the day.

Here's yesterday's photo of our 4 little 8-celled wonders. Behold the miracles!

Single-blastocyst transfer catching on for older chicks

My clinic prefers to do IVFs with single-blast transfers. I was a bit stunned to hear it because my anecdotal information from the discussion forums I frequent told me that women in their 40s often have up to 3 embryos or blastocysts put back in. Sometimes more than that, but that is not considered so cool these days.

For a long time the medical community has been recommending the higher quantity on the premise that, well, 40-somethings are more likely to get a sticky pregnancy that way. We are. But we are also more likely to get pregnant with multiples. Simple math, really.

(I do not subscribe to the romance of wishing for twins. My uterus has been compromised enough that the risks of trying to carry multiples seem clear to me. Then there are the obvious risks to the babies. Would I say no to twins? Why would I? But I have to agree that it is safer and more reasonable to actively try to get just 1 at a time.)

Now studies are showing that we may have just as decent a chance with a single transfer. It's all about the quality, of course. But if you transfer 1 good-quality blast, pregnancy chances are looking just as good as if you transfer 2 or 3.

My first RE said that he would recommend 3. That matched the info I'd seen so far and so I didn't press for his reasoning at that time. He may very well have been assuming that my egg/embryo/blast quality would be bad and so didn't even discuss the other option with me. So I don't know his opinion on the 1-blast tx for his patients overall. He was definitely a worst-case scenario guy. And I did appreciate that in many ways.

When my current RE first mentioned (because I asked) that she'd want to transfer 1 of whatever we got, my position was, "Oh, how can this be? We can't possibly drain our savings on the assumption that this has no chance. This is all-or-nothing. How could we bank on just 1 measly blob of our cells? At least with 3 perhaps 1 might be of sufficient quality to make it OR we'd come out of this experience with enough info to tell us, conclusively, that nothing will stick, not even 3 top-shelf cell blobs nurtured and manipulated by the best reproductive scientists we can afford."

The RE assured me that the final recommendation would be made based on the actual quality of whatever we're working with. It's just that their preference is — and success rates are backing it up — to transfer 1 nice-looking blast at 5 days. If the embryos at 3 days aren't looking hip to surviving in the dish much longer, then whatever is viable will go back in then. Success can and does and doesn't happen under both scenarios.

My feeling is that I have to trust my clinic to do what they do best. That's what their success rates are based upon and where they came up with a prediction for our odds. And we just can't know what we're dealing with ahead of time.

For your reading pleasure:

"IVF Technique Enables Pregnancy Without Multiple Births, Stanford Researchers Find"

"2-for-1 Is No Baby Bargain, Doctors Say"