Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Remembering and rejoicing

Today is one of the May milestone dates I've been wanting to get through. One year ago today was transfer time for IVF #2, and let me tell you: That day was magical for me. Everything felt right. I was, truly, in the moment — in sync with DH, my body, the process, my medical team, and the world. I felt love for (and loved by) everybody I encountered. I remember what I wore, what I ate, who I talked to, and what I did all day long. And that magical feeling (aka profound gratitude) carried me through another several days. (You know, until it was time to get scared again!) During that time, I frequently eyed the picture of "the kids" and talked to all 4 of them in utero, sending my love and coaching any that felt strong enough to stick with mama.

Even knowing how it all turned out down the road . . . and knowing what came next, and then next, and then next . . . I wouldn't trade that day for anything. The experience opened me up in ways I can't quite describe but know will stay with me forever. And for that I rejoice.

*****

P.S. Today — this year's May 5 — brings a fresh reason to rejoice. Sweet Polly over at In2MeSee got to see her perfect-looking little bean's strong heartbeat for the first time. You GO, Polly!!

5 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm glad you took away such a positive feeling from a negative outcome. That shows h ow much of an amazing woman you truly are.
*HUGS*

Polly Gamwich said...

Your post made me smile - and not because you were sharing the love. But because there are nuggets of goodness in this experience and somedays they are SO hard to see ... but when you do see them, like today, you need to grab on to them and be grateful. Those were your 4 precious babies and that was your day - nobody can take that from you.

((((Big hugs sister))))

Tiffany said...

Thinking of you today, you are amazing. It is rare that us girls get a "good day." I am glad you still have good feelings towards that "good day." Hoping for more "good days" in your future.

Tara said...

What a beautiful post. Many hugs to you, sister.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to send you my love and let you know how inspiring you are. There are great things out there for you, I just know it. HUGS.

~Jamie (FF)