Saturday, October 25, 2008

Day 8: Feeling the swings

Went in this morning for pokes and peeks. My 10 follies are still there: 6 are of a fairly uniform size at 14–14.5 mm, and the 4 laggers are at 10–10.5 mm. I'll stop stims when at least 2 reach 18 mm. Best guess is that could be Monday but might be Tuesday. Retrieval will happen during the second half of the week.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the progress, but I got veeerrrryyy sad about the 4 smaller follicles afterward. They can still make it to maturity by ER. But there's a bigger size gap between the two sets than there was last time.

DH's first question was whether those 4 might just drop out of the picture . . . a reasonable q, and exactly the possibility that was making me blue. The NP who did the ultrasound today, though, assured me — in the "maybe not, mind you" way the clinic HAS to put things — that most/all of those will keep going, and that "Things will happen as they're supposed to."

I know that general sentiment is usually meant as a comfort, as something positive about the bigger picture (and in this case, I of course know the NP was really just being upbeat, saying that things look fine). But my personal belief is that things will happen as they will. I don't see that as a negative POV, just what is, and it's different from what's supposed to be.

So, sometimes — like after my miscarriage, or when I'm looking at facts that point to the possibility of something not going well, or when I'm pushing my own hormones on an old-school swing — hearing that things only happen because they're supposed to makes me feel a little bad.

I'm taking my antagonist shot each morning now (it counteracts all the stimulation meds so I don't accidentally surge and release those eggies before ER). Think that helps create my pitiful Debbie Downer moments? I do.

Lucky for me I'm just a few hours away from my nighttime batch of happy shots — 7:30 upswing, here I come. Whee!!!


Lisa said...

it's definitely a roller coaster that you can't get off. AND you willingly signed up to ride it endlessly for a couple of weeks. Can you believe it? :)

I hope the four laggers do catch up and not disappear by next week. I have my fingers and toes crossed for them all to grow and be retrieved...and then to keep going, too.

Polly Gamwich said...

I too hope the four follies catch up.

I can't believe you're already so far in the cycle - although, I'm sure it doesn't feel that way to you.

Happy shooting up!

Karen said...

I'm also a believer in "what will" not "what's supposed to". It's just random luck. We're supposed to have trouble getting pregnant, while women who abuse their kids are supposed to pop babies out like Pez? I think not!

I hope those 4 slow pokes catch up by next week, but either way 6 is still a nice number. I'll be thinking of you.

Tara said...

I hope the 4 catch up. IVF is SUCH a roller coaster. Still, it sounds like adecent response. Keep your head up - we are all here pulling for you!

Beautiful Mess said...

I wish you and your 4 follies to be strong! I am wishing for them to grow just as much as you and all the other ladies are. I can see this is tough for you, but you're doing such an amazing job! Hang in there and I'm sending you a lot of positive juju your way!

Evil Stepmonster said...

With the two shots those hormones of yours must be getting mighty heavy on that swing!

I hope the other 4 follies catch up, but 6 is still a good number.