If I didn't know that tidbit before, I know it today. Now, this is not a rant about Mother's Day. It just happens to factor into my little anecdote.
You see I received some floral deliveries on Wednesday. (I aged this week!) One arrangement came from someone with whom I've had a difficult time communicating since the miscarriage. Said Someone (SS) found a bizarre way to make my experience all about SS. Quite a feat, that.
Anyway, SS's flowers withered, so I pitched 'em this morning and set about washing the decorative vase. My heart stopped when I noticed something I hadn't before — a painted-on seal that said something like* "Mother's Day 2008 — 100 Years of Celebrating Moms."
My thoughts ran like this:
- Did SS select this from the Mother's Day menu and just not notice?
- Did SS mean to communicate that I am in some way a mother?
- Well, I was pregnant on Mother's Day 2008 . . . is the Universe warning me to remember it because that's the only one I'll ever get?
- Why am I feeling sooo annoyed with SS when I'm sure SS had no idea about the seal?
- And why am I angry with myself for even having that got-kicked-in-the-gut feeling after feeling fairly decent all week?
Or, maybe the real source of my "annoyance" has nothing to do with SS or the vase and everything to do with losing a baby.
Hard to say. Just riding it out and writing it out . . .
*I threw that sucker into the trash, so I can't double-check.