Countdown to 7-week u/s

Not much to report. Still seem to be pregnant.

My symptoms really wax and wane, but I've learned to ignore the waning days. My mom tells me that she had very few symptoms with my brother and sister (barely any to recall) and just some mild nausea with me. Two other female family members I've talked to were sick, sick, sick. I can tell that they'd feel better if I had more symptoms: one because she equates strong symptoms with a healthy pregnancy, the other because she'd like to know that I'm suffering. :)

Four days to go. The ultrasound is scheduled for Friday at 9:00 a.m. Pacific.

Looking for the Zen

You're not supposed to consciously try to achieve a Zen attitude. But I'm going for it today. On purpose.

The spotting stopped late last night, thank goodness. Yes, I stayed up to verify. I drank a literal bucketful of water throughout the evening and had a couple (4) creme-filled vanilla cookies for good measure.

DH was very good with me on the phone. He zeroed right in on the things that would logic (yes, I'm verb-ing that word) me out of unnecessary worry. When I said the disappearing symptoms and spotting could be nothing or everything bad, he gently ranted "You have no idea what they mean for you, right now, in this pregnancy. If it's not black-and-white, there is no reason for you to live in the worst possibility. And if the worst thing happens, we are prepared for that."

DH saying "we" are prepared got through to me. He's with me AND I can handle things. Then I said, only half-jokingly, "The spotting started right after I'd finally allowed myself to run out and buy a pregnancy book." DH replied, "Yeah. God hates that." Which made me laugh and shape up a little more.

The RE's office says there's nothing to worry about at present. It's good that the spotting was not serious, and it's good that it stopped. Plans for the 7-week ultrasound are still on. No need for me to go in unless something concerning happens. They don't really care about my disappearing symptoms, dang them. So I'm on my own for another 8 days. Knock on wood.

So, I'm doing my best to stay on task at work today (it hasn't been too hard) and to not think about the things I can't know. The dog helps. She just came into my office — for the third time — to sniff the new stack of library books I'm working with. That seems to be the main thing on her mind this morning. Her routine: Sleep a little, wake up and remember the new books, sniff them and think hard, grab a little water, settle back down on her bed, and do the whole thing over when next she wakes. She is very "of the moment," not thinking ahead and not thinking behind. I think she's onto something!

I was having such a good day

Yesterday I worried because some of my symptoms had faded. I've seen this happen to so many others — sometimes it's the beginning of the end, but many times it means nothing. Symptoms come and go. I persuaded myself to run with that explanation.

Today was a good day almost all the way through: Good energy. Clearest head I've had in a while. Productive workday. No pressing worries.

Then, after dinner, I started spotting. It's probably nothing. There's no pain, no cramping. It's very, very light. No red. So far I'm not freaking out, but I can't pretend to not be apprehensive. Vanishing symptoms PLUS spotting does not make me happy. It helps to know that it could be nothing. But that doesn't stop me from knowing it could be something.

I'll call Dr. K's nurse first thing tomorrow and let her tell me there's nothing to worry about. I'll also let her tell me to come right on in for a check-up.

Either way.