Monday, August 25, 2008

Baby pools and baby fools

It's cool and rainy today; in my neck of the woods, the hot, hot weather is probably gone for the season. The pic shows our doggie enjoying a refreshing dip in her baby pool as summer temps soared.

The pup is just 7 — still a baby to us! — but she is aging. For her breed and size she's on the cusp of senior status.

I can relate to that. My family tends to thrive into their 90s, and by that measure I am still a young woman. I feel young. But reproductively speaking, I am old. Who knows, maybe I never did fit into the "young" category, reproductively speaking.

DH and I have taken a little time to determine our next steps on the TTC front. Not too much time, though. We've stayed aware that my fertility is declining at the speed of dog years. (Don't get me wrong. DH's fertility ain't exactly on the upswing either, but mine is the more crucial factor at present.) As Dr. K told me, I'm on a hill going down; I'm not yet on a cliff about to get shoved off. So we're still in the game . . . for the NOW that keeps slipping away all too quickly.

One of our recent talks was sparked by a mutual noting of all the subtle age-related changes to the dog's features, gait, and demeanor. It's soooo painfully sweet to watch those changes evolve in contrast to her eternally youthful attitude. She's older, but she will never "grow up" all the way. She still trusts us to address all her basic needs, acts greedy for treats, takes joy from snatching bees from the air and finding squeakers in her toys, and — remarkably — keeps walking or running (best fun EVER!) through any pain from stray thorns, bloody scrapes, or arthritic joints. This creature lives in the moment. She seizes her chances. She enjoys current opportunity — and expects it in the future — regardless of past disappointments (read: never enough treats).

In that spirit, we've decided to do one more round of IVF with my eggs. It's what we want, and I'm done feeling guilty about it.

Hey, it has worked before. As DH says, "We were on our way." And Dr. K assures us it's NOT unreasonable to assume there's a golden egg for the hatching. We probably even had a good embryo last time, but chance and the many mysteries of life caused an abnormal one to implant.

We can't and won't try indefinitely. We do, however, feel strong enough for one more whirl.

I read this quote from Erica Jong the other day:

"No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool. Writers, alas, have to be fools in public, while the rest of the human race can cover its tracks."

I thought about just sharing the first sentence for this post. (I am a writer and relate to the second from that POV, but this blog's not about that.) But then I realized, no, the whole dang thing applies beautifully . . . all you have to do is switch out "writers" in favor of "couples seeking to conceive using ART." And/or, of course "bloggers."


alicia said...

good luck with your next IVF cycle. and your dog is so cute!

here from ICLW

Jaime Lynne said...

Another well-written, inspiring post. Thank you for being a writing "fool" to those of us who cover our tracks! ;) And good luck on the next cycle.

Katie said...

Very well written and the dog is adorable.

Here from ICLW

Ms Heathen said...

Your dog is just adorable - she's certainly not showing any signs of age in the picture!

I'm glad that you and your husband have come to a decision as to how to proceed. I'll be rooting for you on this cycle!

And I loved the quote about writers having to be fools in public - it's something I can relate to only too well!

Shinejil said...

I think if you need to do it, you need to do it. You'll always regret not trying if you don't.

So, I don't think you're a fool at all...

Amber said...

Great post. I'm glad you have the strength to try it "one more time". And if it ever comes down to quitting, I'll commend you on having the strength to do that too.

Good luck with IVF #3!

(Here from ICLW)

Andy said...

I'm stopping by from ICLW. You have a great looking dog! Good luck on your journey

Lost in Space said...

What a great post!! I love your courage and am inspired to see you proceeding to IVF#3 as we are gearing up for our third and final IVF cycle too. All my best for your journey.

Oh, and furbabies are the best blessings, huh? I'd be lost without my geriatric babies. (: Yours is adorable.

Anonymous said...

I'm continuing to send fertile vibes and well wishes your way.



Anonymous said...

Good luck on your next cycle.

Opus #6 said...

Lovely post. I love that you can take advice from your life-loving pup.

Anonymous said...

"neck of the woods"!!! I just had a lady from Missouri explain that one to me!

Anyhow, I am 40 and started on the TTC path when I was 35. So I can relate to the reproductive cliff.

We are taking our time in making a decision on IVF#1. Scientific-me says we should hurry up...

Wishing you the best on IVF#3